Lesson's from John Gottman's "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"

As I have been reading John Gottman’s book: “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” the past few weeks I have taken time to regularly evaluate my marriage, more importantly I evaluated myself in my marriage.

First let me share what the seven principles are:

Principle 1: Enhance Your Love Maps

Principle 2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration

Principle 3: Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away

Principle 4: Let Your Partner Influence You

Principle 5: Solve Your Solvable Problems

Principle 6: Overcome Gridlock

Principle 7: Create Shared Meaning

In today’s culture, there is a heavy emphasis on individualism. If something/someone is not adding the value to your life that you expect that person or thing to add to your life at any moment in time, you are completely justified in moving along to the next person or thing. You are seen as brave, strong, and courageous for living your life for you and your happiness.

You might ask “what’s wrong with that?” The flaw in this way of thinking is that it is so limited. You cannot imagine the love and deeper meaning and belonging that come from knowing that you and your partner are loyal and committed through think and thin.

I recently stumbled upon a video on YouTube by a military spouse where she shows what her and her deployed husband are doing to prioritize their marriage during this time of physical separation. These spouses are on opposite sides of the world physically, but emotionally they are united, and they work at strengthening their bond every day. They have a beautiful relationship.

Marriage takes work, it will require sacrifice, each spouse will need to have patience, compassion, and charity towards the other. No marriage is perfect, and a “perfect marriage” is not a prerequisite for happiness, we can find and feel happiness every day. We can look for and magnify the good in our marriage, in our spouse, and in our self.

As I mentioned above, I have been taking a closer look at my thoughts and actions while reading this book. At times I have been very hard on myself, I have beaten myself up for my imperfections. After talking to my husband, I have come to realize that this book is a great resource, but its purpose was not to shame me, but to teach principles that if applied in a healthy manner, will strengthen us and our marriage. We don’t have a perfect marriage, but we prioritize each other and we both have a desire to keep our marriage strong and healthy and this book is full of good information to help us.

Above referenced video:

Prioritizing Marriage Through A Deployment | Habit Tracking For A Long Distance Relationship (Links to an external site.)